Saturday, January 31, 2009

Hoping for February to be better

On the way to work Thursday I heard a really sad story on the news....a woman and her dog had both been struck and killed by a car while walking down the road. The snow had hampered the driver's sight. Tragically, it was unavoidable.

When I got to work an email came across from my dad.
Mary Beth, the family friend who'd taught me how to ride, who'd help us pick out Bear (my beloved horse) had been the one killed in that accident.

I'd last seen Mary Beth right around the time I was in treatment. My dad had taken Lucy, (then a puppy) and I up to the pond to play and there Mary Beth was with her dog. She had marvelled at how I'd grown...perhaps in her mind's eye she'd seen me as the young kid she'd gently reminded to put her heels down in the saddle. Perhaps I'll always see her as that young woman in her 20s who I'd idolized.

Tears came...but I had just ten minutes before I had to proctor some students in a Regents test.
I proctored that test, but all the way through kept thinking about Mary Beth and how I'd wish I'd taken her up on her offer that day to visit her farm. Some regrets you just can't help.

I wish there were something that could explain to me why bad things happen to good people.
There is philosophy that I read that explains some of it. Harold Kushner does an excellent job of it. Sure, there are words of comfort that help give higher meaning to so many of life's unfairness....but sometimes I think its okay to just throw our hands up.

I guess I am ready to put January's been a difficult month.

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